Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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