I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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