There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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