CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
