I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
