Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
