My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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