So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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