Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
