all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
