you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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