I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize