Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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