You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
