There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
