Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
