i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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