good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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