Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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