shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
