I bet he comes in French.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
