She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
