saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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