Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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