dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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