god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize