Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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