I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
