It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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