I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
