I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
