hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
