i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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