I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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