I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
