I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
