I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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