There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
