I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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