I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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