she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
