I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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