Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
