Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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