Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am one with the molecules
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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