I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize