I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
