Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
