I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
