why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
