yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
