White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
