when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
