it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
