please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
