Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
