$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
