u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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