we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
