i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
