True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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