I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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