I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
