Screwed.edu
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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