its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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