Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
