literally had 100 drinks last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think i got beer on your cat.
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