I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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