Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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