FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
there is puke in my bra ... again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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