community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
