I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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