I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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