Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
