sarcasm needs its own font
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
