anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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