our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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