I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
