We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
