i would punch a child for taco bell
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
