Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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