wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
