the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
