Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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