I cannot find my penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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