made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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