if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
