you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
