Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can I color on your dick again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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