Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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