u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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