You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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