the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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