NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
