I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
