I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
