I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
